Listening is done with the ears, the brain, the eyes and the skin.
Big Ears Listen
Listening is active and requires discipline. And listening helps communication happen.
But listening takes confidence and self assurance. To listen to another person, requires setting up the circumstances so that both people hear what is being said.
But how do you get stuck if you are not listening?
When we fail to listen we make assumptions about situations. We set up circumstances so that things work out the way we want them too and we fail to notice when others are not on the same track as we are.
We hear stories every day of people regretting that they missed the signals being given by suicides. We fail to understand what someone is going through and when something serious happens to them, we are upset at the loss but also at our failure to help them.
“Why didn’t they ask me?” Maybe they did but you were stuck in your own agenda, plan, activities and missed listening.
So how can you listen?? You are busy enough without taking time to listen to others who just fail to get to the point? Or miss your point?
So here are three techniques I have use to listen:
- Stop and look the person you are listening to in the eye.
- If possible touch their wrist or the back of the hand – this forms an electrical connection but also creates an engram for future listening.
- Rephrase what you are told to make sure you understood what the other person said. When you do this you hear what is being said yet again. Rephrasing also means that slow down reacting to what is said.
But do you listen to everyone. Who are the key people you need to listen to?
This one is much more difficult because so many people are talking at you. And you do have a choice who you listen to and when you listen to them.
First, listen to your significant other (and/or your parents). It will help your relationship if you take time to listen to each other. It helps build your relationship. Listening to your partner can be difficult but it helps build the connections and the friendship.
Next listen to your children. Children have the most glorious perspective on the world. They are uncluttered and unfettered. Their ideas and perceptions are original. Children teach us many things and they help us grow. And when you listen to your children, you give them a great gift – you. And that helps them grow with confidence. Your example also helps them learn how to listen better.
And then listen to your clients. They will tell you so many things you need to know to keep you from going down the wrong track or making assumptions or missing opportunities.
And if you are in a corporate environment, remember that your boss and your colleagues are also clients. We forget sometimes that the people we work with each day are clients of ours as well.
Finally be careful how you listen to yourself. Unless you hold the conversations with yourself in front of a mirror, the basic guidelines for listening are difficult to do. And while taking control and deciding on your actions, does get you out of stuck, too many internal conversations tend to immobilize us.
Listening gives us information.
Listening helps us feel more confident in our relationships with others.
Listening keeps us connected with others. And connection helps us stave off depression, poor decisions and inaction, all states of stuck.
When you listen, really listen, you can see a world outside your head. You can grow and strengthen your relationships as well as yourself.
You are present for at that moment.
Listening is one of the hardest skills to develop but it is also one of the most rewarding.
People need to listen and be listened to if we are to keep mankind growing and developing.
If you are feeling stuck, try listening to someone who you think might be able to help you get out of stuck and excel.
What other tips do you practice when you listen to others? And who else do you listen to?
Roberta
Simplifier, Presenter, Mentor
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Related articles
- Stuck trying to be heard? (getoutofstuck.net)
- Stuck because you Speak instead of Listening (getoutofstuck.net)
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I was in a seminar where listening was being demonstrated in a room full of people all talking at once. They key was to focus on your partner and if you found yourself drifting away in other thoughts, come back to the room and your partner. It was a great exercise because it taught me a skill and that it’s OK to move away for a moment, but more importantly on how to become present again.
Thanks PeggyLee and it is that being present and really allows you to listen. It is an intense activity
Those are great techniques Roberta, especially touching their wrist or hand. My husband and I do that a lot but never knew that was a good listening tip. I am going to try that on my teenage son!!
The advice you share here Roberta is so important and certainly would take frustration out of our days if we just stopped, looked at each other and really listened. Thanks for your insight!
Lynn Brown recently posted..Online Business Success Are You Just Lucky
You have great intuition Lynn. Let me know how it goes with your son. Touch is so powerful and yet something we often are afraid to do. I remember telling my 14 year old son that hugs wherever were good and he obviously got the message because his 16 year old son gives great hugs anytime we see him. And when you hug, it is the ultimate in being in the “zone”
Assumptions get us into SOOO much trouble. Great post!
Tambre Leighn recently posted..Passing It On…Words of Wisdom
You are so right Tambre. We need to make some but….its hard to live life without some assumptions.
Hey Roberta,
I love the suggestions you give here. I get the feeling that some people don’t really listen; especially when you are trying to convey a message. There is this particular joke which goes like this “Woman speak twice as much as men, only because men don’t get it the first time around”
Most people coming in for therapy or a session usually need a person to “listen” to them. Often I come across people who just need that one session because they just wanted to talk to someone and someone to listen; and they feel so much relief after doing just that.
Hajra recently posted..Write the Stress Away
Interesting Hajra. That need to be heard and acknowledged, appreciated and accepted is be a great driving force behind people everywhere.