Do assumptions get you stuck?
Especially during holidays and special occasions.
These are times when we become emotionally vulnerable. When our assumptions and expectations of ourselves and others increase and tensions cause us stress and emotional collapse.
Many years ago I had lots of expectations about the holidays and the new year but I learned through experience that I rarely assumed right about what people would do, say or give me.
Since mid December, I have had contact with a number of people about how their relationships are in trouble. The reason:- they were making assumptions about the other person‘s feelings because of some act or deed.
Or worse, there was shock that someone was not behaving as expected.
Is there any way around getting stuck by our assumptions when we are emotionally vulnerable?
Yes but only if you are willing to risk asking the other person about what is going on. Or you can just accept that you and the other person are on different planets.
When I first read John Gray‘s book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” I laughed so hard at his assertions that I cried. But then I thought about how we stereotype people, especially the differences in men and women and I cried harder because we are taught to assume that just because they are a particular sex they will behave in a particular way.
I remember in school learning that little boys do things in particular ways and were to be forgiven because they were boys or lads as they got older. Girls were expected to behave differently and when they misbehaved they were bad girls.
My upbringing tended to increase my assumptions about how people would behave in situations. I was carefully taught that if someone said something about me it was true. If someone did something to me, then I deserved it.
BUT – I have learned that assuming I deserve gets me stuck.
I have learned and constantly have to remind myself that when I assume that when someone behaves differently then I expected, it does not mean that they do not love or like me or even care.
When you are emotionally vulnerable, watch your assumptions.
Go with the flow but hold firm to the tiller and go in the direction that suits you.
Keep control of yourself. It is really the ONLY thing you can ever control.
And to get out of stuck and excel in situations where you feel vulnerable, keep in mind that the other person may be feeling as stuck and vulnerable as your are.
What assumptions have you made lately that stressed you out?
Oh and watch out – Valentine’s Day is coming…….
Simplifier, Presenter, Mentor