“I’m Right!” says Lucy.
“No I’m Right!” shouts Sam.
What do you mean you’re right, how can you possibly be right when you never do or say anything right, you loser” screams Lucy.
Sam turns on his heel and walks out of the room.
For many people this has become the level of their communication. The need to establish their rightness rather than work to a goal or a resolution of problems. They claim the other person never listens to them.
And why would you?
If you converse to make yourself important, right or to gain power over, then your objective is achieved when the other person walks out of the room or capitulates.
Exchanges where one party’s goal is control and gain power over the other person, is not a conversation.
Exchanges where trying to guilt the other party into making you feel better, is not a conversation.
Conversation is about exchange. It is about each party sensing that their feelings as well as their words were heard, accepted, acknowledged and appreciated.
But what so often happens is we exchange words and think that is a conversation. We think that because there was talk or writing that a conversation has occurred.
It’s like writing a blog without any comments. And a comment is more than great post Roberta or thanks for the post. It has thought and information relative to something that happened for them when they commentator read the blog.
Conversations build relationships and connection.
Through conversation you can learn about the other person as well as learn something about yourself.
Conversations need to be in the present and have the parties present.
As for the content of the conversation, there is the challenge.
If you have a full agenda and hold everything to the agenda then you have a meeting. A meeting is about getting a result through dialogue. This may seem a contradiction to earlier blogs on this topic and it can be considered so but on the other hand, if we are building relationships than an agenda without openness and flexibility comes back to the diatribe above.
Remember a conversation has roots in having dealings with.
Words do have power. We react to words. We react with words. And words can break our bones or get us stuck and prevent us from excelling.
So today I want to challenge you on the way you converse and the words you use.
If they are emotive, words that create emotion, then are you prepared for the outcome. Or are they words that encourage the exchange and develop the relationship. Words make content.
In the opening statements words like right and loser set a tone and cause a reaction. They set the mood and can cause major challenges for ongoing conversation.
What are the words that stick your conversations?
Simplifier, Presenter, Mentor