No one likes to hear these words.
How serious the situation depends on several things including your age, your situation and your attitude.
I sort of remember the time when I was about three years old. I had a china faced doll with movable arms and legs. I’m unsure if anyone today would understand about these dolls. Sadie was like a real chubby little baby with lovely hair made from real human hair. She was my pride and joy but one day her arm came off. I was devastated. I cried and cried. My mother kept telling me it would be all right and my father would fix my baby but I just kept crying. When my father got home, he looked at my doll and took her to his workroom. We had dinner and it was time for bed but my bed companion was in the basement broken. I went to bed and cried myself to sleep. And when I woke up the next morning, there was my Sadie beside me in bed all fixed. My daddy was my hero.
I think every child has some memory similar to mine. As we mature, we face the it’s broken hundreds of times.
But today, as one of my grandchildren said, “It’s broken, throw it out.”
How we cope with it’s broken is important to our ability to get out of stuck. First we have to deal with the emotions around the broken thing. And those emotions can vary depending on the value or the inconvenience we put on the item broken.
Then we have to deal with the practicality of what will we do next. Will we fix it, throw it away or do nothing because at the moment we lack the resources to do something about the situation.
And once we decide we can take the next step to solve the situation.
But what happens when what is broken is necessary but unrepairable.
It is not an item but a relationship. It is a something that is important to us, something that we counted on like an income stream, the roof over our head, our family, our health or a friendship.
To stop from getting stuck by the broken things, relationships and situations in our life, I only have two solutions. The first is to stop and look for what I am grateful for about the situation. The second is to decide how much energy I want to put into finding the next steps.
What do you do?
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Roberta- this is exactly why our divorce rate is so high. About 1/2 the people say- it’s broken, throw it out. The other 1/2 say- it’s not what I want, let’s fix it. It’s a function of the changes in society.
We can’t fix most of our things- they don’t sell replacement parts or they rivet the devices closed to preclude repair. And, then we wonder why we are running out of landfill space… or why there are so many single parents!
Great post.
Well we do build houses etc. on the landfill and then wonder why tsunami’s and earthquakes wipe it out so easily. Thanks for the comment Roy
Oh wow.
Really timely advice. I feel the heart ache of a necessary that feels broken today. What is really sad is when people are broken, and there is no fixing them. I don’t want to judge the broken person, but I really don’t know how much energy I have to give anymore. PTSD doesn’t go away.
This post caused a great shift in my attitude. It made me think of my little boy. He has a “blankie” that he calls “bebe”. It is literally a rag! Folks have been telling me for 3 years to throw it away when he isn’t looking. Instead I folded it into a small pillow and bought a nice piece of soft material to sew a case onto it. My son tells me that it is like having a new “bebe” and he thanks me everyday. He just loves that smell
I’m so glad that he has a something so special, that one sniff takes him to a safe place.
I loved your daddy story. It made me realize … I’m my sons hero. You made a rather difficult day much brighter. Thank you.
Many blessings,
Carrie
Bless you too Carrie. We never know who will benefit from what we do. Have a great day.
Hi Roberta,
I absolutely love this post. Your question really got me thinking.
To get out of stuck, see how the situation or person is now supporting me to get to my goals. I grateful for the experience but if I don’t see it supporting me now, I learn to let it go. With letting go, as you have mentioned, it’s going through the process of dealing with the emotions and deciding what is the next step.
Again, emotions is a phase and when you move on to the next phase of deciding what do, that’s when you can get out of stuck.
In terms of material goods, I think that life in the big cities tend to dispose of items much more than before. We have more options. I imagine that if your doll had broken in my house, we might have just purchased a new doll.
There are two major differences I’ve noticed compared to my lifestyle in the Andes. Here, people save a lot more. They don’t buy in bulk, but they save whatever they can, even if it’s not useful at the time. They also fix things a lot more here or are innovative in the ways they use the odds and ends already in their homes to solve problems. I guess it comes down to having less options.
And I wonder if it’s even possible to instill the same values when we do have disposable income.
Thanks for having me think about this, Roberta!
Pleasure Samantha. You are right, the more choices we have the more choices we expect and as many people have learned over the last two years, you are unable to live the same life when you have less choice. Just look at areas of the western world where people are living as if in a third world country. As a matter of fact I think some third world countries may actually be better off
That is why everyone is fighting these days “It’s broken” – “Let’s fight on who did it”
I was a bully as a kind (I mean, almost!) and when someone broke I didn’t cry but I created a big dramatic situation out of it, as my mom recalls, create a melodrama out of it!
Well as you said, it depends on the situation, age and so many other factors!
The blame syndrome is a whole other blog. You a bully?? I find it hard to believe. I think though that as I found out personally, bullying is a hard thing to prove – intent behind the behaviour is a huge issue