To get out of stuck, you need to be able to negotiate successfully.
This week I was reviewing a book for The Corporate Toolbox written by David Holland called “Negotiate Success”.
As many of you know I am involved in several committees and the challenge in all of them is to negotiate success.
Negotiate to catch your objectives
While reviewing the Ebook (free), I was reminded of the basic rules taken originally from the book “Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher and William Ury.
One of the key points in any organization or association or meeting is to discover if both sides want a resolution and are willing to work through negotiation.
One situation I see so often is that one side wants their own way and is truly unwilling to negotiate or listen to any other point of view but their own. When this happens, no negotiation can occur. The meetings can turn into a screaming fest. Frustration and the desire to get rid of the “troublemaker”, the least popular person becomes the norm. It is about peace at all costs rather than finding the best solution or resolution. Negotiation is truly impossible.
So let’s assume that negotiation is possible.
The first thing you need to know the age group (generation) and culture of the person you are negotiating. This matters because the values differ, the background information differs and the way they approach a discussion differs. Each generation and culture has a different criteria for negotiating and you need to understand this before you can successfully negotiate anything
Next you need to understand the communication style and communication strategy of the person or people you are negotiating with so that you can speak to them in terms they understand. If you use words that they react negatively to, you will find that they react to those words and fail to listen to your proposal.
You now have agreement to negotiate, you understand the people you are negotiating with and the circumstances and communication styles you need to adopt, now you need to know the rules for successful negotiation.
These are the rules:
- Remember merits not people – keep the objective clear and impersonal. What will be the benefit if the objective is achieved.
- Appeal to their interests – negotiate what is in it for them (WIIFM)
- Use objective standards to move the negotiation forward. Keep away from personal and personality.
- Have a variety of options and alternatives that will satisfy you and them available during the negotiation
- Believe that there are other factors involved in the decision making process.
Negotiation is difficult. But if you learn how to negotiate you can get out of being stuck in a situation that goes no where. You can get to a situation where you achieve what it is you want to achieve . More importantly you help everyone get to a place where everyone benefits by the situation.
Good luck with this exercise but when you find yourself stuck dealing with others, check out your negotiation abilities.
Changing mindsets to get you out of stuck and excelling
Roberta Budvietas, Change Agent
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
I think you need to move #5 to #1. Way too often, the negotiators have NO power to make the final decision- and that is why they are sent to the table. They negotiate, but once the deal is done, you may find out they need to get it cleared by yet (an)other person(s)- and then you have set up a new starting position. We have terms for this type of negotiation, but since it is not a politically correct one, i won’t share it…
It is critical to have those that can make the final decision among (exclusively?) the negotiators.
That is why before you start negotiating Roy, you need to ensure that the person you are negotiating with is the right person. And sometimes you need to negotiate to get to the right person. Thanks for adding your insight
Very insightful advice about negotiating! Especially about removing personalities and keeping the objectives. Easier said than done!
I think the personality stuff is the hardest part Martha, especially today when it all seems to be about personality in committees anyway. Although I see the personality so often in the workplace too. Loads of pouty children wanting to get their own way.
Hi Roberta-it always does seem to come down to knowing your audience, doesn’t it? Sometimes, that means not assuming that all millennials, boomers or Gen Xers are the same. Of course,it’s challenging when you are thrown into a negotiating situation where there isn’t time to get to know the audience.
I was took a course in negotiating that recommended having 3 choices in mind – a top, middle, and lowest level that you are still comfortable with. It seems when you have parameters in mind, it helps ease the stress of change – as long as you remain flexible.
Great tips here, Roberta.
Thanks Cathy. I did a similar course – the basic was to know what was your absolute minimal take away. The challenge though is still to be in a meeting where the people want to negotiate and therein lies the challenge
Hmm…how my fingers translated I once took a course into I was took a course, I’ll never know.
Words are fascinating and our mind just fails to see the obvious Cathy. I did think to edit it but I kind of liked the way it sounded
It’s interesting that some of my friends are afraid to negotiate. They don’t want to insult someone or hurt their feelings. What they don’t realize is that there doesn’t have to be a winner and a loser in negotiations. It can be a win/win situation. I like your advice about not making it personal. Good tips.
Lisa I think most people are afraid to negotiate and because most people do take things personally, it is always about them, they never want to see the point of view of the other person. Worse when different culture and values and belief systems creep in, the entire thing goes to pot and no negotiation is possible as equals. And then we have the power over syndrome that I have written about before.
Love the list of quality negotiations. Something I’ve always lacked in…
Glenda, you just need to practice them to have them and now that you have read them you can look at what you can do next time you are in negotiations. Try it on the children or partner first. Great place to learn how I found. But watch that taking it personally
i believe in delegation and negotiation as a key to everyone’s success, in life but i also think that the best thing is to find your crowds weak point and stress on it
Perhaps but some people call that manipulation and bullying.
Hi Roberta,
As a practitioner of energy psychology, I find it useful to work on my own mindset first. That way, I am already coming from a more balanced perspective to begin with, which does not generate resistance in the other. It enables me to see the the issue from the perspective of the other.
To me, that is the easy way to negotiate.
It does help providing the other party wants to negotiate and is the decision maker. Getting yourself right is always important
Upon becoming a union rep for my work class several years ago, I invested into the book, “Negotiating: For Dummies.” There was a lot of useful info therein, too, much of which you discuss. If everyone learned the art of negotiation, the world could be a better place.
I begin to think that the greatest challenge is avoiding taking things personally and that PeggyLee is just too much for too many people. It almost makes them STUPID
Wow! That ebook must be really full with useful tips for bloggers! Especially for me, because I am a newbie to the blogger scene and any useful information and advice about blogging is welcome…
It looked really powerful Heidi and I enjoyed reading it. Negotiation is a real challenge for some people because they want to get their own way not actually find a win win situation