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I seem to have a problem knowing when to shut up. I thought I was the only person with this problem and then I saw a friend do the same thing and I realised that for some passionate people there is a point at which knowing when to shut up is critical.
Why would this be important?
Let me give you the situation
There is a heated discussion (only happens when the discussion is heated and lots of emotion is in the room). The crowd listening is polarised with more people on the side of the other person. Lets call that person Miss J. Miss J has just admitted doing something but is dismissing her action as inconsequential and implying that your feelings really are insignificant and you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
You feel that they do not recognise the seriousness of the situation and you continue making points looking for a more positive statement of action from Miss J.
Suddenly several other people jump to Miss J’s defence and you feel attacked and threatened. You defend yourself.
Now, the problem is that the more you talk, the more others who may have supported you turn against you and you lose credibility.
Another example comes from the movie “Mr Smith goes to Washington“. There is a scene where Mr Smith filibusters – keeps talking in Congress so that information to block a bill can be found. Congressmen are upset. The press is eating it up. And many people are getting extremely upset because Jimmy Stewart‘s character does not seem to know when to shut up.
When we are emotional and need to figure out when to shut up we need to keep one thing in mind. Why are we talking?
In the movie, Mr Smith needed to buy time and could not shut up until the answer was found and if he gave in a vote would be taken that would create great damage.
In my friend’s case, she needed to get commitment that an action would be taken.
Unfortunately when we keep talking to get the action and we alienate our support network.
The reason for this is most people feel uncomfortable witnessing confrontation.
So the next time you find yourself speaking figure out really fast what it is you want out of the discussion and ASK for that. Then sit down and shut up regardless.
It is difficult to do especially when emotions run high. It is important though that you learn when to shut up or you will find yourself dealing with other situations and worse, you will find yourself not being listened to the next time.
Have you ever been in a situation when you should have shut up sooner?
Roberta
Simplifier, Presenter, Mentor
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Have I been in a situation like that? Probably.
so I tend to not let things get to me so much.
Have I been witness to situations such as this? Yes.
Passion filled with emotions is hard to harness; but what I notice is that what I felt at 25 I don’t feel at 54
Thanks for the comment Peggy. Some people have not learned the lesson of not letting things get them based on the phone calls I got after the event. I think it might be called developing discernment with age and it takes work to get there not just age.
Roberta,
I find myself shutting up now and listening and making comments therefore not getting in that exact predicament. I know I’ve been in that situation and truly have learned from it. BUT it can be difficult once you are in though.
I agree with Peggy….I find myself now not letting things get to me as they once did.
Leona Martin recently posted..Admin Tasks Still Around…….
Thanks Leona. Looks like control of one’s passion is important and sometimes that comes with maturity but I hope that it never comes at the expense of giving up the good fight
Hey Roberta,
This small box is just too small for the times I wish I has shut up earlier. I speak too much, too soon and too fast and sometimes I wish I should have not entered the “debate” because people don’t get it at times, they take it personally and things gets weirder from there.
Now, I don’t do it as often, I have learnt how to shut up, when things are getting too hot to handle… take a step back.. works!
Hajra recently posted..Fridays will be Different… Thanks to Rob "The Power"
Thanks for commenting Hajra. One thing that I find kind of sad is that so often we fail to express our very valid opinions because of the past experiences and so we miss a possible opportunity to influence and we get stuck with perhaps a poorer opinion from a so called expert who really knows less than us but is popular or have support