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The Success Thieves that keep us stuck

As many of you know this year we are working  on a new eBook and course to help get you out of stuck and help you excel. The material is around the thieves that steal your success. There is a Webinar to discuss the topic on 12th Feb at 10 am New Zealand time. The event will be controlled by GotoMeeting and you can l0g on here but to reserve your space and get reminders for the event you can register here

So over the last few weeks of researching success thieves we have one which I want to share with you here because it is a huge one for me to overcome.

When I am talking I often use absolutes.  Absolutes like

  • “This never happens”Flip the Swtich
  • “This person is always wrong”
  • “The government is stupid”
  • “I must do this or else I will look incompetent”
  • “People never know what is best for them” or the corollary, “selling always removes people’s freedom of choice”.

There are many other absolutes I use too and usually they come up when I feel slightly stressed or overwhelmed.

As some of you may know, I am studying NLP more deeply than ever. I may actually qualify but in the studying, what I kept seeing was the  ways to misuse NLP to manipulate others.

And that started to worry me because I know that I can manipulate and have been accused of master manipulation by my children but in truth, I try very hard to avoid manipulating anyone. So here I am studying a course and what do I see, more ways for me to manipulate others.

But that goes against both my passion and purpose which is to empower people to live their own passion and purpose. And if they are living their own passion and purpose, the last thing I want to do is manipulate them.

And so the thief is in the semantics.

NLP teaches that we give power to our words, our thoughts and our actions and that when we want to give them a different power we have the ability to change the reaction and the programming. All the practitioner does is help the client make the desired change.

The challenge with semantics is to avoid the power that absolutes have to get us stuck in a belief that limits our potential. If you believe a certain something, then it is true regardless of what anyone else tells you or shows you or proves to you. Until you change your reaction and your language around a concept, your belief is so strong that it totally colors your world.

Today, think about what you are doing with your absolutes. Are they stealing your success? Do you believe you can? Or are you waiting for something to change?

The change is like a switch, a paradigm shift in your mind. Flip the switch and you are no longer stuck where you were. Flip the switch and a new light can go on. But beware, sometimes the switch can flip off and you can get caught back in old patterns and habits. Just ask anyone who has quit smoking or lost weight and then finds themselves smoking or fat again.

In the comments, please share your absolutes. The first step to changing them is identifying them The you can decide if you want to keep the absolute because it serves you well or you want to change it to help get you out of stuck.

Roberta Budvietas Mentor

Roberta Budvietas, Change Agent

Have a great day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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{ 14 comments… add one }

  • Ann February 5, 2013, 9:41 am

    I have the feeling that I am socially inept. My boss constantly tells me that this is the way a business person does things and I would make the client mad the way I said it. I am not a business person. How’s that for two absolutes at once?
    Ann recently posted..Blog Post Ideas: What Day? What Time? What Confusion!My Profile

    • Roberta Budvietas February 5, 2013, 10:15 am

      Interesting Ann how the opinion of others often gives us the absolutes. Personally I think you have great social “eptness” and I know you because of you social presence on Facebook. As for what is a business person – again interesting the definitions. For me a business person is someone who meets their needs by meeting the needs of others while serving their community. By that definition, you are a business person. See it often just comes down to definition and refining the definition to help you feel more successful. Did it help you?

  • Roy A Ackerman, PhD, EA February 5, 2013, 4:03 pm

    Not being a fan of NLP, I view it as yet another technique that demagogues have attempted to employ to get their way…
    After all, if the demagogue avers that big government is bad and then uses that big government to get his/her way…
    Roy A Ackerman, PhD, EA recently posted..3D printing coming to the militaryMy Profile

    • Roberta Budvietas February 6, 2013, 9:06 am

      Roy, I used to agree with your opinion of NLP but the statement about demagogues could be seen as an absolute that keeps giving the power to the people who abuse it because too many of us fail to truly understand how the the system works and really want someone else to be responsible for our lives and decisions

  • Bonnie Copeland February 6, 2013, 6:43 am

    I think the worst part of absolutes is that we often think of them as in flexible or permanent. Nothing is immune to change is it? I like how you use the idea of flipping a switch Roberta. It really does feel like that.
    Of course being aware that sometimes our subconcious will be a big ol sneak and try to flip it back on us once in a while is important too. Being present in your awareness allows you to recognize these absolutes and flip that switch!
    Language is incredibly powerful. It is also a great way to explore our mindsets and belief systems. Thanks for this reminder.
    Bonnie Copeland recently posted..Strength? Perhaps it’s not what you thinkMy Profile

    • Roberta Budvietas February 6, 2013, 9:04 am

      Bonnie, you are so right it is mindset and while flipping that switch sometimes seems impossible, it is that paradigm shift that makes the really big difference in our lives.

  • Cathy Miller February 7, 2013, 2:18 am

    Great post, Roberta. Absolutes are disabling (how’s that for an absolute? :-) ) And I agree with your comments to Ann. We let others define us – bosses, peers, and self-professed gurus. An absolute that I like to embrace is that each of us is unique. Thank the Lord! ;-)

    • Roberta Budvietas February 7, 2013, 7:07 am

      Good absolute Cathy and that is where those thieves can steal from us. They are always there so as you say see yourself as the guru on you and be aware of your thoughts, acts and what you are allowing to control you.

  • bonooobong February 7, 2013, 3:56 am

    These thieves are some kind of demotivational little poisons which makes you unable to realize your resolutions and reach your goals. Sometimes, it is a word from somebody at the office, sometimes it is a longer period which can keep you stuck unless you start to act and step out of your comfort zone if needed or switch the view and than success can be expected. It isn’t easy, if you want to be the best, it is the hardest way to make an easy living.
    bonooobong recently posted..3D nyomtatás – készítsen tárgyakat elképzeléseibőlMy Profile

    • Roberta Budvietas February 7, 2013, 7:06 am

      Thanks for commenting. Sometimes the thieves are more than what others say, they are things we say to ourselves or worse habits we get into and behaviors we believe are correct. In school we learn to behave in certain ways but people like Kiyosaki and others have repeatedly shown that we learn is often wrong for us to have certain things. Governments want us to behave in certain ways but sometimes these ways lead to other problems and to not accepting personal responsibility. The more I look at the thieves, the more I find from the littlest thing to some monumental big things

  • Lisa February 8, 2013, 9:19 am

    At times, I use absolutes since I’m human. I need to vent and process emotions. I mostly let myself do this in a journal or talking out loud to talk it out. Soon, in the process of releasing, I get to the point of realizing how I need to change. I also can have a good laugh at myself.
    Lisa recently posted..Positive Rebellion For Spiritual MaterialismMy Profile

    • Roberta Budvietas February 8, 2013, 9:26 am

      Lisa, you are so right – high emotions often lead to those absolutes. Even positive emotions can – things like “I’ll love you forever” after great sex. It is why it is why awareness matters (oops an absolute). I love your laughing at yourself. That seems to be a really good key for moving out of stuck and away from success thieves too.

  • Madonna Robinson February 8, 2013, 10:53 pm

    Hi Roberta,

    This is such an important topic and impacts on so many aspects of our lives. All conflicts are based on the absolutes that parties adopt. They are as you have pointed out, the reasons for our failures because they become solidified thoughtforms called beliefs.
    Madonna Robinson recently posted..Emotions Sell. Do Yours?My Profile

    • Roberta Budvietas February 9, 2013, 6:00 am

      Madonna, you are so right. And the more I look into the thieves, the more I find that what limits us is often such small things that are really hard to change

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